7 Skills That Will Transform the Way You Give Feedback

One of the most important skills any leader can have is knowing how to give constructive feedback. In fact, for any of us, providing feedback that builds rather than harms is critical in our lives. It is one of the most human things we do, and yet almost no one teaches us how to do it well.

The good news: these skills can be learned. After years of working with leaders across industries, I've distilled the craft of effective feedback into seven core skills. Master these and you'll change not just the conversations you have at work, but the relationships you build everywhere.

From Weaknesses to Strengths

Because of the negativity bias, we naturally notice in others what is not working for us. It's simply how our brain has evolved — to notice potential threats, even if those are social threats, not physical threats. So, we notice problems or weaknesses in others while being alert to any potential negative feedback aimed at us. That's a bad combination.

This is proven out in research from Tom Rath¹ that when a supervisor focuses on an employee's strengths, the likelihood of them becoming actively disengaged in their work is only 1 in 100. When the supervisor provides feedback on weaknesses, the likelihood of becoming actively disengaged rises to 22%. (Note: the majority of the actively disengaged say they did not receive any feedback at all. So, feedback is crucial, but rarely done well.) The easiest thing a leader can do to increase the engagement of others is to be intentional — to look for and recognize their strengths.

"John, I love the way that you ran that meeting. You were energetic, clear, you had a specific ask of the group, you sought input on your idea, and you closed with very specific next steps. I think the group was really impressed and engaged."

From General Concepts to Specific Behaviors

Vague feedback is one of the most common and most damaging forms. "You need to work on your communication" tells someone almost nothing actionable. Communication how? In what context? With whom?

Effective feedback pinpoints specific, observable behaviors — things a camera could capture. The test I often give people: Could you describe exactly what you want to see or hear? Or, when gathering feedback, I ask myself: Can I see the behaviors in my mind's eye so I can describe them to my client?

Compare these two versions:

"I'd like you to work on your communication skills."

"I think you are very effective in your communication when you begin by paraphrasing what the person before you has said and then build off of that with your own ideas."

The second version gives the person something they can actually act on. It's about clarity — helping the person see, specifically, what they can do.

Organizations spend a great deal of time and effort identifying core competencies they believe are crucial for success. However, when it comes to feedback, those competencies must be broken down into specific behaviors that people can understand and see themselves doing. That's why the Shift Positive method is a great complement to the competencies developed in organizations.

From Problems to Solutions

Problem-focused feedback tends to leave people feeling stuck. Solution-focused feedback opens a door.

This skill borrows from solution-focused coaching and positive psychology: instead of dwelling on what went wrong, you orient the conversation toward what the person wants to be true going forward — and research shows it works. A simple reframe — "What would it look like if this went better next time?" — shifts the energy entirely.

The interesting thing is that often we don't know the answer to that question until we actually work to answer it. Our negativity bias helps us see what's not working right away. But it takes intentionality to overcome our biology and think through: What do I want? What would I see? What would that look like? Once we can clearly see what we want rather than what we don't, it's much easier to express.

We might easily observe a coworker "dominating the conversation" or "not listening" in a meeting. That can be hard and detrimental feedback to give. However, if we ask ourselves what we want to see instead, we might arrive at something like: "I'd love it when you pause and ask others for their perspective," or "It really helps when you use my first name and confirm what you heard me say."

From Past to Future-Focus

This builds on the previous skill but deserves its own spotlight. Feedback rooted entirely in the past is, by definition, unchangeable. The person can't go back and redo last quarter's presentation or unsend that email. When we anchor feedback only in past events, we risk triggering defensiveness with no productive outlet.

Future-focused feedback uses the past as data — not as a verdict. Compare these two approaches:

Instead of: "When you closed the meeting, I wasn't sure if everyone was on board."

Try: "At Monday's meeting, I'd love to see you surface any resistance — maybe by asking what could derail the project, or whether anyone has concerns." Then, "Are we ready to make a decision?"

From Treating Everyone the Same to Versatile

Treating everyone the same is one of the biggest myths in leadership. Certainly, there are advantages to being consistent. However, research shows that while there is little correlation between personality style and effectiveness, there is a great deal of correlation between versatility and effectiveness. By being versatile in our approach with different people, we put them at ease and can be more effective together.

Different people are looking for different things from us. Understanding specifically what behaviors we appreciate in another, and sharing that with them, helps them be versatile.

During a 360 interview, an executive once told me he hated it when the director said, "I don't know the answer. Let me check into it and I'll get back to you."

That surprised me. "Really? That seems like a pretty professional response."

"When he says that, it's like shutting a door," he said. "I don't want everything buttoned up before I hear back from him. I want to stay involved."

"So, what would you want him to say instead?"

"Something like, 'I don't know the answer right now, but here's how I'm thinking about it so far.' That keeps me engaged in the conversation — which is really important to me."

From Stakeholders to Allies

This is one of the most distinctive and powerful shifts you can make — and it's at the heart of the Shift Positive approach. Traditional feedback treats the people around you as sources of data — anonymous raters who score you or offer confidential feedback and disappear. What if they became allies in your development instead? What if each person offered "one thing" they'd commit to doing to support your growth?

When feedback givers know they'll be part of your growth plan — that you'll come back to them for support, encouragement, and accountability — the quality of their input changes. They invest more carefully. They offer more specificity. And you, as the person receiving feedback, have a network of people actively rooting for your success. And this isn't just feel-good theory — the data supports it: research shows that the more you engage your allies and the more they follow through on their "one thing," the more growth they'll see in you.²

It also brings development into everyday interactions. A coach may meet with a client weekly or every other week. But allies see them regularly and are perfectly positioned to recognize and reinforce progress as it happens. If the people around us don't know what we're working on, they likely won't see it — and those behaviors can quickly fade.

From Confidential to Transparent

Confidentiality in feedback sounds protective — but anonymity often does more harm than good. It triggers speculation ("Was that Marcus? It sounds like Marcus..."), erodes trust, and prevents the kind of real conversations that actually change things.

Transparency — when handled with care — creates accountability on both sides. And when feedback is solution- and future-focused, it is not difficult to share. Moreover, context matters: different people are looking for different things from us, so without transparency it's very difficult to be versatile and effective.

We have a saying: "When we don't know how to say something constructively, we say it confidentially." When we learn these seven skills, we can be open and transparent in our feedback.

Putting It All Together

These seven skills aren't a checklist — they're a philosophy built on experience. They reflect a belief that feedback, at its best, is not a judgment handed down from one person to another. It's a collaborative act rooted in respect, specificity, and genuine care for another person's growth and your relationship together.

Whether you're a manager following up with a team member, a colleague offering a peer perspective, or a friend trying to help someone you love, these skills apply. The conversations are different, but the human truth underneath is the same: people grow when they feel seen, believed in, and given something real to work toward.

Start with one skill, notice what shifts, then add another. The feedback conversations you have six months from now may look entirely different — and so might your relationships.

1. Rath, T. "Fully charged: Creating daily well-being and engagement." Fourth World Congress on Positive Psychology. Orlando, FL. 27, June 2015.
2. Research conducted through an independent analysis of 544 evaluations across 94 leaders using the Shift Positive Method, demonstrating statistically significant improvement in leadership effectiveness with an average score of +1.64 on a scale of -3 to +3. The study found that 526 out of 544 individual evaluations (97%) showed positive improvement, and when averaged across allies, all 94 leaders (100%) demonstrated positive improvement in their developmental goals